A Short Introduction to Licking

Licking is a lot harder to understand than to explain. What it is is actually pretty simple: sneaking into a celebrity’s house, licking something they own and filming yourself doing it.

That’s it.

Some people say it’s not really licking unless you post the video, but I don’t agree with that. I’ve known some amazing lickers who’ve never put anything online but have personal collections that would blow your mind. They just don’t do it for the hits or followers. They do it for the thrill, the challenge and the art of it.

And when we do post online, it’s not on Instagram or Reddit or anything, because technically what we’re doing is illegal most of the time, so we have our own little corners of the internet. Not the dark web, just not entirely out in the open. Let’s just say that if the internet has shadows, that’s where we hang out.

You may be wondering what exactly I meant when at the very beginning I said that lickers lick something a celebrity owns. Well, I meant that pretty literally, but as they say there are levels to this shit.

At the bottom of the licking pyramid you’ll find the chance lickers. These are people who lick when they get the chance but don’t really go looking for it. Like if you’re at a restaurant and you see someone famous, and then after they leave you go and grab their chopsticks and lick them, you’re a chance licker. Chance lickers don’t get a lot of respect within the community.

Next up are the gate lickers, so called because they go out of their way to find where celebrities live, but they don’t actually get inside. Instead they lick whatever happens to be available. A lot of the time that’s the gate, but it could also be a car, a retaining wall, anything. The one special sub-category is garbage licking, but you can guess what that is.

Now let’s get to hard mode.

Once you get past the gate and into a celebrity’s house, you’ve arrived as a licker. It doesn’t matter if you sneak in, break in or get invited, just as long as you grab something, lick it and film yourself doing it. The only rule is that you can’t be friends with the celebrity or it doesn’t count. Other than that, the sky’s the limit. You can lick phones, fridges, tupperware, toothbrushes, shampoo bottles, anything. In fact the weirder the better. The community only really looks at two things, who the celebrity is and what the object is, and you can get mad props for licking something no one’s ever licked even if the celebrity’s not super famous.

Finally there are the legends.

These are lickers who’ve not only gotten into a celebrity’s house but have actually licked the celebrity. The most common way is to get them when they’re sleeping or passed out, but there’s no rule, so take it as it comes!

Happy licking!