For as long as you remember, you’ve wanted to be a devil’s advocate.
Your goal is now tantalizingly at hand.
Literally, as you twirl the black swan quill in your hand, and dip it in the bone-carved bloodwell, waiting for the proctor to place the exam on the desk before you.
The exam: The HELLSAT
(His Excellence Lucifer’s Law School Admission Test)
The proctor fixes his cloak and glances at the clock, waiting for it to strike midnight. It does, and he begins distributing bundles of paper, repeating the instructions: “Please keep the exam face down.”
You receive your copy.
Once everyone has received theirs, the proctor returns to the front of the room, looks once more at the clock and says, “You may begin.”
“Good luck,” he adds rotely, but you no longer hear him.
Your full attention is on the exam.
Your brain throbs, and your quill glides along, question to question, leaving confident answers in dark, drying blood until—
You’re stumped!
You read and re-read the following:
Six damned souls shall plead before the Grim Reaper: Mann, Rabelais, Spinoza, Thoreau, Uzumaki, and Wordsworth. They will plead one-by-one, and each only once. The order of pleadings is thus constrained:
Spinoza must plead immediately before either Thoreau or Uzumaki.
Uzumaki must plead earlier than Rabelais and Wordsworth.
Either Thoreau or Wordsworth must plead immediately before Mann.
Which of the following lists the damned souls in an order in which they could plead?
(a) Rabelais, Spinoza, Thoreau, Mann, Uzumaki, Wordsworth
(b) Spinoza, Thoreau, Uzumaki, Rabelais, Wordsworth, Mann
(c) Spinoza, Uzumaki, Thoreau, Wordsworth, Rabelais, Mann
(d) Thoreau, Mann, Uzumaki, Spinoza, Rabelais, Wordsworth
(e) Wordsworth, Rabelais, Spinoza, Thoreau, Mann, Uzumaki
If Thoreau pleads first, which one of the following could be true?
(a) Rabelais pleads second
(b) Wordsworth pleads third
(c) Spinoza pleads fourth
(d) Uzumaki pleads fifth
(e) Mann pleads sixth
If Spinoza pleads fifth, Uzumaki must plead:
(a) first
(b) second
(c) third
(d) fourth
(e) sixth
Which pair cannot plead third and fourth, respectively?
(a) Mann, Thoreau
(b) Rabelais, Spinoza
(c) Spinoza, Uzumaki
(d) Thoreau, Rabelais
(e) Uzumaki, Wordsworth
Which pair cannot plead first and second, respectively?
(a) Spinoza, Uzumaki
(b) Thoreau, Mann
(c) Thoreau, Spinoza
(d) Uzumaki, Thoreau
(e) Uzumaki, Wordsworth
Beads of sweat pour down the back of your neck. Your hand trembles. These answers may be all that separates you from a life of mortal toil and the excitement of courses on Illegal Ethics, Corporate & Corporeal Punishment, Metaphysical Litigation, Familiar Transactions, Anti-Administrative Law, Breaking of Wills, Family Dysfunction, and International Inhuman Rights Law.
“Ten minutes remaining,” the proctor announces.
Your futures flash before your eyes.
In one, you’re an insurance salesman married to a teacher. You drive a Corolla. You’ve two kids, both of whom think you’re the worst. In the other, you are Attorney General of Hell. Satan’s right hand. You have all the demon-babes you want. You wear sharp suits and condemn loser insurance salesmen to fiery damnation.
Focus, you tell yourself.
Focus!